


Traffic lights

by Jgreen



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), mostly asoiaf
Genre: F/M, Modern AU, PTSD Jamie, alcoholic Jamie, mentions of moderate child abuse, sober companion Brienne, war vets Jamie and Brienne
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-07-20 02:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19984216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jgreen/pseuds/Jgreen
Summary: Drunk driver Jamie hits Bran Stark and is put in court mandated rehab. Brienne is assigned as his sober companion.





	1. Jamie

He was piss drunk again.

He was almost every night, the blackouts where better than hearing the screams in his sleep. 

He was also driving. 

He'd texted Cersie again.

It wasn't that Jamie's house wasn't fine, he had a rather large place in the country side courtesy of his brother, but they lived rather far apart and Cersie didn't want to drive that far so he always went to see her, she would never come to him.

There was a risk that her husband would come home, but he rarely did. He was always away hunting with his friends. Cersie said she hated him. She said he was cheating on her with a hundred different women.

He was pretty sure she was seeing other people as well, well other than him, but she had big boobs a nice ass and a pretty face, which was all he wanted. And she made him forget the screaming.  
He needed her.

He didn't see the kid until it was too late. There was a bike with a kid in front of him, and then there was an empty bike flying one way and a kid another. 

_Shit._ He thought. _Shit. Fuck. Shit._ If they caught him he was royally screwed. He knew he was drunk, and it wasn't his first offence, they'd suspend his licence, at the least. How would he get to Cersie? No. That wouldn't do.

He swerved around the bike and sped away. 

_What was a kid doing at this hour in the street on his bike anyways? Fucking idiot should have known better, its past midnight, he was practically asking to get hit._

Jamie woke up the next morning with a pounding headache back in his own house, he couldn’t remember the drive back home but his car was sloppily parked in the driveway. There was a dent in the front he noticed, from where I hit that kid. Had he actually done that? He hoped the kid was okay. _You hit him with your CAR, he’s not okay,_ he told himself. Well he hoped the kid was alive, but mostly he hoped the police wouldn’t catch him. His license would certainly be suspended. It dawned on him that if the kid was hurt badly enough he could go to jail. _Fuck._ Well, there was nothing he could do about it, so he poured himself a drink and hoped that there hadn’t been a camera at the intersection. 

The police knocked on his door the next day. “Mr. Lannister. Police open the door.”

It appeared as if there had indeed been a camera. There was no other way they could have found him so quickly. 

“Good morning officers,” he smiled at them, “Pleasant day for a drive in the countryside wouldn’t you say?”

The officers were not amused. “Mr. Lannister you’re under arrest for driving under the influence, running a red light, and severely injuring a bicyclist.” 

So the kid was alive, that was good, he didn’t think he could forgive himself if he’d actually murdered someone. 

There was no point in resisting so he let himself be handcuffed and put into the back seat of the police car. 

_Father would be furious, he must be turning over in his grave._ The thought made him smile. 

“Something seem funny to you?” asked the officer in the driver's seat. He was young, in his early twenties, with dark hair and a long face. He couldn’t have been in the police for more than a year. 

“Just thinking about how you’re a worse driver sober than I am drunk.” he replied. 

“Is this a joke to you?” The young man seemed genuinely upset. This would be fun. 

“Absolutely not! You might hit someone! My life is at risk.”

The man’s face turned red, “You fuc-” he started. 

“Snow! Enough.” the other officer interrupted, “And you,” he turned to Jamie, “shut up.”

“Very well, I was simply trying to answer the officer’s questions.” 

They decided to ignore him for the rest of the ride. When they pulled up in front of the police station Officer Snow turned around to look at him, he was still angry, “The boy you hit is my cousin, he’s a brother to me, so if you thought you were going to get off easy on this, think again.”


	2. Brienne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne and Jamie have their first meeting. Jamie is a dick. Brienne gets angry. shit kind of hits the fan.

Mr. Lannister was late. Most people where for their first meeting, no one wanted to go to court mandated rehab, still, it didn’t make it any less aggravating. If he wasn't there in another ten minutes she would need to call the police and have them bring him in forcefully which would set back their progress before it had even started. 

Brienne opened up the file on him again while she waited. The file contained any essential information she might need to know about the person she was going to work with and, eventually, notes she would make on their progress. For now the file was only one page, it read:

Name: Jamie Lannister  
Age: 30  
Crime: DUI, third offence; car crash involving major injury  
Sentance: 6 months incarceration; 2 month license suspension upon release; obligatory rehab  
Address: 7 Casterly Street, Kings Landing  
Phone: 555-444-666-66  
Additional Information: Army Veteran. Combat unit. Drafted at age 18, dishonorably discharged at age 22, military file sealed. 

She wasn’t surprised they had chosen her to work for this case. Being a combat veteran herself she usually worked with the veterans. She did wonder about the dishonorable discharge, that was unusual, and it was probably relevant to his alcoholism. 

Her ponderings where interrupted by Mr. Lannister’s belated arrival. Finally. He seated himself across the table from her without so much as a greeting. He was clearly tired and disheveled and yet somehow she still found him remarkably attractive. _Seriously Brienne?_ She thought to herself, _Seriously?_ “Hello, my name is Brienne Tarth, how are you today?” she started. 

Surprisingly enough he smiled at her, a wide brilliant smile, “I’m wonderful, free to roam where I wish, and drink what I want.” 

_He’s hungover,_ she realized, _he come hungover to a meeting about his drinking problem. Well it’s better than showing up drunk._

“Right, well I’m going to ask you a few questions, just to get to know you.” She needed more information than what was provided in the file in order to start working. 

“Very well, but only if I get to do the same.” 

“You want to do the same?” she asked. 

“Yes, are you thick? For every question you ask I get to ask one of my own.” 

She tried not to let the insult get to her, people had been insulting Brienne her entire life, but they didn’t usually call her stupid. Most often it was ugly, or sometimes a stubborn bitch. “Alright.” she agreed. “Lets begin, how much to you usually drink?” 

“As much as I want. How much do you?”

“I don’t drink at all anymore.” He must know that, everyone who went through their program was informed that they would be working with a recovered alcoholic, and Brienne was no different. 

“Oh come now, not even a drop now and then?”

“No. My turn.” He was trying to get a reaction out of her she realized. “I need a more specific answer than ‘as much as I want’, how many nights a week do you drink?”

“I drink whenever I want as much as I want, I don't keep track.” He leaned back and considered her, thinking of something else to ask her.

The question took her by surprise with its brusqueness. “How did you lose half your face?” 

Brienne felt herself beginning to go red, she’d never been beautiful, she knew that, but the massive scarring on the side of her face had only made it worse and she hated it. But she owed him an honest answer, “An accident in the field, a grenade went off next to me and some shrapnel hit my face.”

“I would say it's a pity but your face wasn't much to look at before anyways was it?” 

Now Brienne knew she must be completely red. _He’s laughing at me._ She realized. _This whole thing is a joke to him._ “Don’t speak to me in such a manner!” she knew she sounded angry, too angry, she never should have let her emotions show. Lannister merely shrugged. 

“Did anyone die?” 

“That’s not your business.” It was a bad answer, nearly as good as a yes. Damn him, it couldn’t have been more than five minutes and this man had already made her lose her composure. She took a breath and decided to try a different approach. 

“Do you know why you’re here?” 

“Because I hit an officer’s brother or cousin or whatnot and he wants to make sure I go through as much suffering as he can force on me. I’ll admit he’s done a fairly good job, I thought I had the worst behind me when I got out of prison, but now I’m required to spend time with you.”

 _Don’t react. Don’t react. DON’T react._ “I meant, do you know what our goal is. What the purpose of these meetings is?”

“Ahh, not truly, please do enlighten me.” 

At this point Brienne couldn’t tell if he was mocking her or not so she decided to just answer him. “You’re here so that we can work on your drinking problem. To try and get to the root of what started it and solve it in a healthy manner.” 

“I don’t have a drinking problem.” he responded. Finally something expected, most alcoholics denied that there was anything the matter with them. 

“You say you drink whenever you want, but do you also drink when you don’t want to?” 

“Of course not, what a ridiculous question.” 

“You’ve never found yourself drinking in a place where it was inappropriate, never found yourself drinking and not really knowing why, only that you needed a drink right there and then?” He was scowling at her and Brienne found that she was inordinately pleased with herself and thus decided to continue on the same track. “You've never say, had too much to drink and then woken up in the morning regretting your actions from the night before, say perhaps, hitting someone with your car?”

“No.” he responded tersely.

Brienne frowned at him, “Do you understand the severity of what you did? The boy you hit is eleven years old and is now paralyzed from the waist down. And you say that your drinking isn’t a problem?”

“Like I said before, no, and besides, he shouldn’t have been biking in the dark, it was well past midnight.” 

“You’re blaming a child for your drunken actions?” Brienne was horrified. How could the man be so callous? The boy had been _paralyzed_ he would never walk again and this man didn’t seem to care in the slightest. 

“Thats been six questions from you already and none from me so, tell me about the man you killed.” 

The change of topic caught her completely off guard, “The what? I-I don't know what you’re talking about. I’ve never killed anyone.” _Not directly._

“Alright then, the man you let die when that grenade went off.” 

“I didn’t let him die!” she nearly shouted at him, “and I told you it’s not your business.” Her thoughts, however, contradicted her. _Renly. You were right there and you did nothing. You just watched him bleed out. No._ She’d gone through to many therapy sessions to go down this path again. _There was nothing I could do. It was too late. It’s not my fault!_ She wasn’t going to let this man drag her back down there. 

“Tell me about your dishonorable discharge.” It wasn’t a tactful question, but he certainly hadn’t been tactful with her and she wanted to aggravate him. He looked up at her and Brienne saw a flash of anger in his eyes, gone as quickly as it had appeared. _Good._

“So you know about that do you?” There was an edge to his voice which greatly pleased Brienne.

“I know it happened. So tell me, what did you do?” 

He paused for a few seconds before looking her directly in the eye and answering. 

“I killed my commanding officer.”

His answer sent her reeling. He had already made the fact that he was a dick clear, but she certainly hadn’t expected that. She was struck dumb for several seconds. _He killed an officer? His commander. He murdered him. His own commander. He murdered him. He doesn’t even seem to care._ Maybe he was lying to her, trying to get a reaction, but somehow she didn’t think so. “You’re a murderer.” The accusation spilled out, she hadn’t meant the words to sound so blunt. 

“Yes I suppose I am.” he said, then got up and left.


	3. Jamie II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little look into whats going on in Jamie's head

Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. 

The accusation repeated itself over and over again in his head and had begun haunting his dreams. He’d just woken up from one such dream. It had started the same as all the other ones. He was back in the same town, in the same building with Captain Aerys Targaryen in front of him again. Everything happened just as it had in real life. The crying, shooting, and screaming, but this time Brienne Tarth was watching him, standing with her file and clipboard ready to record his crimes, and when he shot Aerys in the back she began shouting at him. _‘Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!’_

Jamie got out of bed and grabbed a drink. He wouldn’t be able to sleep without one, without several if he was being honest. _‘But do you also drink when you don’t want to?’_ Brienne’s words repeated themselves in his head. _I drink when I need to, and I always need too or I won’t sleep._

Their meetings had continued on schedule for three weeks now, thrice a week, every week for an hour. They became slightly more civil after the first one, though not much, she never brought up his dishonorable discharge and he never mentioned whatever it was that had happened with that grenade, but Jamie continued to upset her and she continued to badly pretend to not be upset. He hated those meeting, he only went to them because if he didn’t he would go back to prison, and so Brienne became the target for his hatred. That might not be fair to her, she was only trying to help him, but it was so easy. She wore all her insecurities on her sleeve and she was so terrible at hiding her emotions. 

He recalled the look of horror on her face when he’d told her the crash had been that kid’s fault. Bran Stark. He remembered the name from court. That was also where he’d learned that the kid had been paralyzed. He did feel guilty about it, but not guilty enough to stop drinking. He needed to drink. He couldn’t live without it. He needed the distraction from life. 

_‘People tend to drink when they’re having a difficult time and can’t seem to find a solution. They think about everything that’s wrong with their life all at once and get overwhelmed, so instead of solving the problems, one by one, they choose to forget themselves.’_

It was something Brienne has said at one of their meetings that had stuck with him. She was right he knew, _she’s better at her job than I realized,_ but the only solution to bad memories was to forget everything, and so he drank. How was he expected to solve dreams? His other problems had only gotten worse since his incarceration. He’d lost his job, which had been hard enough to get in the first place, and now he was practically unhireable. Six months incarceration and a dishonorable discharge didn’t exactly scream Employee of the Month material. Even if he got a job he wouldn’t be able to get there until he got his license back in over a month. _They make my life ten times more difficult and expect me to_ stop _drinking._ No. They could make him go to prison, they could take away his license, they could even impose those ridiculous meetings on him, but they could not force him to give up alcohol. 

How had Brienne done it? he wondered. He was sure she had her own problems, everyone did, and the incident with that grenade obviously still troubled her, and yet she said she had given up drinking completely. She was too honest to lie, he admired that about her, but he still had trouble grasping the idea that she never touched alcohol. 

His phone buzzed. It was Cersie, what was she doing up at this hour? The message read, _Jamie I miss you. Will you come over?_

He found himself becoming annoyed. It wasn’t the first time since he’d gotten out that she had texted him. He’d tried at first to convince her to come to him, but she'd said she didn’t want to leave her children alone, and kept insisting he drive to her. What part of “license suspended” did the woman not understand? When he didn’t respond she sent him another message. There was a picture this time damn her. She was standing naked in front of a mirror. _Please?_

_I. Can’t._

_Come on it's not such a long drive. No one will catch you._

_No._

Jamie wanted to, he was tempted to, but the traffic light had a camera and he wasn’t risking prison again. Six months hadn’t been enough for that Officer Snow, oh no, two more months of license suspension for Jamie. He was suddenly filled with a burning hatred. He hated Officer Snow for making his life hell. He hated that stupid kid Bran Stark for biking in the dark. He hated Brienne for making him feel guilty. He hated Cersie for tempting him. Most of all though, he hated Aerys Fucking Targeryen for making him what he was today. He wished he could shoot the man again. _I could print pictures of him and shoot that._ The thought was so absurd he laughed out loud, but then again, he could do it, he still had a gun locked away in a safe and it couldn’t be that hard to find pictures of him online. _Fuck it, why not._

Outside, the wind blew coldly on Jamie’s face as he stumbled to set up the targets and staple the pictures he’d printed onto them. Somewhere a little voice was telling him this was a bad idea. It was Brienne’s voice. He was too drunk and angry to care. He was Jamie Lannister and he would do whatever he damn well pleased. 

He walked over to where he had placed his gun, picked it up, cocked it, and tried to take aim. The targets where blurry so he tried to take a half step forward but found himself stumbling. He fumbled the gun trying to regain his balance and found it slipping from his grasp. _Shit._ He thought as he instictively reached out to catch it with both hands. He caught it and immediately knew he’d made a mistake. Jamie heard a loud bang and felt a terrible pain flooding through his body from his right hand.


	4. Brienne II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brienne to the rescue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally supposed to include more, but it was getting a little long and I still had so much more to write so I decided to split it up which means we'll be getting another Jamie chapter soon.

Jamie’s behavior had improved somewhat since their first meeting. He was still a grade A entitled, uncaring, egotistical asshole, and apparently an actual murderer, and they hadn’t made much, if any, progress with his alcoholism, but he hadn’t aggravated her to the point of shouting at him again, he, thankfully, never brought up Renly again, and he’d been arriving on time to every meeting. So, when twenty minutes had passed and there was no sign of him, Brienne began to worry. She could think of two possibilities, he was either too drunk to move, or something had happened to him. Neither option was very good. She tried his phone again, and again, there was no answer. 

She had two options, either call the police and tell them to find and bring him, or go see what was going on with him herself. If she called the police and they found that he didn't have a good reason for not showing up, their mandatory meeting hours would restart. They would need to redo the nine hours they had already done. Neither of them wanted that. It was settled then, she grabbed her car keys and made for Casterly street. 

His car was still parked in the driveway, that was a good sign, it appeared he at least hadn't broken any laws. Brienne rapped on the door a few times, "Lannister?" she called. No answer. She tried again, this time shouting a little louder. Still no answer. If he was passed out drunk on the floor she would kill him. _So now what?_ she thought. She couldn't break down his door. Well, physically she could, but there would probably be unpleasant legal repercussions. She supposed she could check and see if there was a back door, maybe he could hear her from there. She started walking around the house and- _What in seven hells?_

Across the yard at the back end of the property where three gun targets with pictures of a man sloppily stapled on to each one. Gun targets. _Oh no._ She thought. _Oh gods please tell me those are always there please tell me he wasn’t stupid enough to set them up while drunk and… FUCK!_ Apparently Jamie was stupid enough. He was lying directly behind his house in a puddle of his own blood, wearing nothing but his underwear, with a pistol in the grass not a foot ahead of him. 

Brienne ran too him. _Please don’t let him be dead,_ she begged, _please I can’t have someone dying on me, not again please!_ Brienne shuddered in relief as she noticed his breathing. She couldn’t find the wound so she turned him over. A mistake. Blood came gushing out of the end of his right arm. His weight must have been partially cutting off the blood flow. _Shit. Shit. Shit!_ No, she couldn’t panic now. _Come on Brienne you’ve seen worse,_ she told herself. _OK. Deep breath. You need a tourniquet and an ambulance. Tourniquet first._ He wouldn’t last long bleeding as profusely as he was now. She ripped a strip of cloth off the bottom of her shirt and tied it properly around his arm. _Now the ambulance._

As Brienne waited she inspected him more closely. The idiot had been drunk, that much was obvious, there wasn’t anything else that could explain such unusual behavior. She looked at what remained of his hand, it seemed as though he had somehow managed to shoot himself. It looked bad, frightfully bad, possible amputation bad. After a moment she got up and walked over to the targets, Jamie wasn’t going anywhere after all. The picture was a photo of a decorated military captain with silver hair and purple eyes. _‘I killed my commanding officer.’_ she remembered. Was this that man? It seemed the obvious conclusion. The thought made her recoil, it wasn’t enough to just murder the man, Lannister had wanted to shoot him again. She tore off one of the pictures and put it in her bag.

It didn’t take much longer for the ambulance to arrive. They gave him a blood transfusion and bandaged his hand. It still took some time for Jamie to wake up after reaching the hospital.

He looked around his room as he regained consciousness. “Where am I?” he asked no one in particular. His eyes focused on Brienne, “What are you doing here?” 

Brienne felt herself becoming annoyed, he could at least show a bit of gratitude. “I found you and called an ambulance.” 

“Found me? Found me where? Where in seven hells are my clothes?” The nurses had covered him in a hospital gown, but he of course wasn’t wearing much underneath. 

“You weren’t wearing any clothes.” she reminded him. Jamie looked confused. _He doesn’t remember anything,_ she realized. 

“Why can’t I feel my hand?” he frowned. 

“They put in a local anesthetic, the doctors thought it would be best, at least for now.” 

Jamie looked closely at his heavily bandaged hand, it was hard to tell anything about its condition wrapped as it was. He suddenly went very white, “Oh fuck.” he whispered. 

“Events coming back to you?” Brienne asked. He nodded slowly. “Do you want to tell me exactly what happened?” 

“No.” he replied. That annoyed her some more, but so be it, he was entitled to his privacy. 

Brienne stood up, “I’m going to fetch the doctor,” she informed him, “She said to call her when you wake up.” 

She found a nurse, relayed the message, and sat down to wait. She could leave at this point she knew, but there didn’t seem to be anyone else to stay with him and frankly, based on his past behavior, she couldn’t trust him not to try and jump out a window. Brienne pulled out the picture she’d taken from Jamie’s back yard. This had to be the man he’d killed, who else could it be? _Who was he?_ She got out her phone and searched for deceased Westerosi army captains who had won the medals she could see in the picture, there couldn’t be very many. Sure enough, there he was. Captain Aerys Targaryen. She tapped on the first site to come up, 

_Captain Aerys Targaryen. Captain of the elite military force ‘Kingsguard’. Deceased in the Stag Rebellion. Survived by a son and a daughter._

__

__

_That’s it?_

Brienne had heard of the Kingsguard, everyone had. It was meant to be the most elite unit in all of Westeros. Only the very best of the best managed to get in, and there were only ever seven soldiers and the captain at a time. Had Jamie actually been one of those seven? You wouldn’t think it too look at him now, but then again people were full of surprises. 

She turned her attention back to Jamie’s door as the doctor walked out. “Can I go in and speak to him?” she asked. 

The doctor considered her for a moment, “Are you family?” she asked. 

Brienne shook her head. 

“I can’t stop you, but I would give him a few minutes, he has a lot to… come to terms with.” 

That sounded bad. Brienne waited what she deemed an appropriate five minutes, then knocked and walked into the room. Jamie was laying back in the bed staring at the ceiling. “You’re still here.” he said as he saw her approaching him.

“Yes”

“Why?” There was no malice in his voice, just genuine curiosity. 

“I just wanted to make sure you’re going to be okay, it’s kind of my job after all.” It was a little bit. 

“Well I'm not, so maybe you should find a new job.” 

“What do you mean?”

“They’re amputating my hand tomorrow. The longer it stays on the higher the chance of infection.” 

Brienne didn’t know what to say to that. She’d suspected as much. Even if his injury healed without infection, and considering it had been lying in dirt all night the chances of that were slim, it would probably leave his hand to deformed to be of use anyways and more painful than if it were simply removed. 

“Is there anything I can get you, or anyone I should call?” she finally managed. She looked back at Jamie. His eyes were closed now.

“No.” he shook his head slowly, “No, just... leave me.” 

Brienne had wanted to ask him more about Aerys, but this certainly wasn’t the time. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. _He brought this upon himself,_ she reminded herself, but still, it hurt her to see someone in so much pain, even if he was an ass most of the time. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow after…” she didn’t know what to call it, his surgery? His amputation?

Jamie ignored her, so she picked up her bag and left.


	5. Brienne III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually a lot harder to write than I expected it to be. Don't know why. Also I know i've been alternating povs but i had originally planned to have this stuff from Brienne's pov so I decided to keep it that way.

Brienne returned, as she had promised, a few hours after Jamie’s amputation. She didn’t know if he actually wanted to see her, but she felt an obligation to at least check up on him, especially as it appeared no one else would. She was also still curious about Captain Aerys she admitted to herself, so her visit wasn’t entirely selfless. 

Jamie looked much the same as he had when she’d left him, pale, in pain, and staring at the ceiling. He glanced at her as she walked in, but didn’t greet her or move at all. She sat down in the chair next to his bed, in the cramped room her long legs nearly touched it. 

“How are you doing?” she asked him. 

“I’m doing shit.” he answered unsurprisingly. He turned his head to look at her and the movement made him wince. “My right arm hurts because the hand has been chopped off of it, my hand hurts even though it's no longer attached to my body, which really just isn’t fair, my head hurts as well because why not, I'm stuck in a hospital gown for a week because I have no clothes, oh and no phone, so jot that down as well, and the morphine they gave me is fading and the nurse won’t be around to give me more for another half hour.” 

Well, it wasn’t like she’d expected him to be cheerful.

“They won’t let me drink anything either” he added bitterly.

Seriously? Was shooting his own hand off seriously not enough for him? But now wasn’t the time to bring that topic up, it would only make him drive her away. 

They sat in awkward silence for a few moments until Brienne could take it no longer and her curiosity got the better of her. “How, by all the gods, did you end up practically naked in your own backyard with a bullet through your hand?”

“I was drunk.” he answered, as if that explained everything. 

“I’d assumed that bit.”

He sighed, “I woke up and I was angry and I wanted to shoot something so I tried to, and then I dropped the gun and tried to catch it and it went off in my hands.” 

_Damn idiot._

But that still didn’t explain exactly why he’d stapled pictures of his supposed former captain to the targets. Brienne reached into her bag and pulled out the picture in question. As soon as he saw it, Jamie’s face hardened. Maybe this was a mistake, but it was too late to turn back now. 

“This man, is he, is he the one that-” she started haltingly. Thankfully Jamie interrupted her before she needed to finish the sentence. 

“Yes, that is the man that I, as you so eloquently put it, murdered.” 

“Why?”

He looked at her astounded, “What?” The man seemed completely shocked by the question. 

“Well, I refuse to believe tha-”

“Yes, I understand the question,” he interrupted her again, “it’s just that no one has ever asked me why is all.” 

No one? Not a single person in the past eight years had wanted to talk to him about it? Was there not a single person in this man’s life? 

Jamie took a moment to gather his thoughts before continuing. “I was in the Kingsguard. He was the captain, Aerys Targeryen.” he began. “Aerys, well, Aerys was completely mad. Back when the rebellion first started he was alright, a little bit hard, but he was a seasoned military captain so that was only to be expected, as it went on though he became less and less mentally stable. He developed a sense of paranoia, suspected everyone of being a spy. Still, he didn’t do anything explicitly wrong, so he was never dismissed.” Jamie paused and sat up a little straighter in his bed, after a moment he started again slowly. 

“Do you remember, near the end of the rebellion, there was a lull in the action?” Brienne nodded. The rebels had run out of resources and had been simply unable to continue fighting until they where resupplied.

“Aerys went mad, he thought they were planning something huge. So, one day, he marched us over to a small town where there had previously been rumored to be rebel hideouts. Nothing definitive, just rumors. He had us round up as many citizens as we could find, average people on the street, and herd them into a huge room, I think it was an events hall of some sort, it doesn’t matter. Once the room was full he locked the doors and started shouting at all of them. Everyone could tell he had completely lost his mind. He told them that he knew they were hiding leaders, that they were planning something big, and any other accusations his sick brain had imagined. He told them that if they didn’t give him names and locations he would have us open fire on the crowd. I didn’t really believe him. I thought it was just a scare tactic, meant to get them to confess. I thought that was rather unethical, hells I thought the whole thing was unethical, but it wasn’t my place to say anything, so I didn’t.” Jamie had sped up as he spoke, the words coming faster and faster with each sentence. 

“After Aerys stopped shouting there was silence. He gave them maybe five seconds before he very calmly commanded us to open fire on all of them. There were hundreds of people in that room, all of them unarmed citizens. Our citizens,” he emphasized, “the ones we had sworn to protect. At first none of us moved, but then one man from the unit lifted his gun and started shooting, and the rest followed. Everyone started screaming. Do you know what it sounds like when hundreds of people start screaming at once? It was terrible, I couldn’t take it. So I did the only thing I could think of, I shot Aerys.” 

Brienne sat in horrified silence. She had been witness to tragedy and horror in her life, but nothing that could ever compare this. Hundreds of people all screaming, she tried to imagine the affect such a thing could have on a person. _You don’t need to imagine,_ she realized, _it's right in front of you._ Brienne tried to think of what she would have done in his situation. She was convinced she wouldn’t have shot at the crowd, but would she have had the courage to shoot her own commander and face all the consequences of such an action? She didn’t know. 

“That was a very… honorable thing to do.” she managed at last. It wasn’t the conclusion she thought she would have reached when she’d walked into the room, but it was the truth. It wasn’t the conclusion Jamie had thought she would reach either, he looked nearly shocked.

“Honorable? _Dishonorable_ discharge remember. The military disagrees with you.”

Brienne didn’t care what the military thought, “Fuck the military. If you ask me you should have been awarded highest honors, not dishonorably discharged.” 

“Ha! No, I was court martialed. I had no one to support me, the citizens were deemed biased witnesses because of the harassment they’ve received from the army in the past. The other men from my unit where brought up as witnesses against me. The way they presented it Aerys had never threatened the people and I killed him because I was tired of following his orders or some bullshit like that. If they had supported me they would be proving themselves guilty of war crimes, so it was my story against theirs and there were six of them and only one of me. I was nearly sentenced to life’s imprisonment, but I threatened to go to the press, with people from the town to support me, and tell them my version. That scared them, so they let me off with a dishonorable discharge.”

The two sat in silence. After a few minutes, a nurse came in to give Jamie more morphine. Brienne watched as he visibly relaxed in relief from the pain. The lines on his face softened and he leaned back on his pillows. They sat in silence some more until Jamie interrupted, “So what about you?” 

“What about me?”

“You’ve heard my sob story, what’s yours.” 

His tone and mood had changed dramatically. He sounded far less miserable than before. _The morphine,_ she realized. But he was right, if they were being completely fair Brienne owed him the story of her own trauma, comparatively unimpressive as it was. “There isn’t much you didn’t already guess yourself. Someone threw a grenade. It went off next to me and hit both me and the soldier by my side. I tried to get up and call for help, but I went into shock and by the time I could move he had already bled out.” 

“And so you blame yourself?”

“I, well,” this was getting a little personal for Brienne’s comfort level, “yes, I know I shouldn’t, but I do.” 

“Where you particularly close to him?” asked Jamie. Brienne felt herself blush, she really needed to work on getting her face under control. 

“No, um, no not, not really.” she stammered.  
He raised an amused eyebrow at her. “Seems to me someone had a little bit of a crush.”

“I, well yes, I suppose I did,” she admitted, to which Jamie smiled back wickedly, “but it was stupid.” she finished. 

“Stupid? Why would you say that?”

“He was openly gay.” 

“So?”

What did he mean ‘so’? “He was in a relationship with another man from our unit.”

“Doesn’t make it stupid, you can’t choose who you love.”

Brienne found that strangely comforting. They lapsed into silence for a few seconds. 

“So why him?” Jamie asked.

“Pardon?” 

“Well, of all the men in the unit why was he the one who caught your eye?”

What did he care? But there was no reason not to answer him, so she did.

“It’s not so much that he caught my eye. It was more that he, well,” Brienne tilted her head, thinking. “He respected me. I was the only woman in my unit and all the other soldiers treated me like I was some joke even though I was stronger and more capable than most of them. Except for Renly. He didn’t care that I’m a woman, he treated me as an equal.”

“Dicks.” 

She looked at him confused. 

“The men in your unit, they were dicks.”

That made Brienne laugh, and Jamie smiled widely in response, he had a beautiful smile, “Gods they really where.”

Brienne checked her watch, it was already nine, she should really be heading home. She told Jamie as much and stood up to leave. “Get some sleep, you need it to be well enough to go home in a week”

“I’m not going anywhere, can't drive.” he reminded her.

“I’ll give you a lift.” 

“Really?” he seemed genuinely surprised by the offer. That was fair, Brienne was a little surprised herself. 

“Yes, why not, I’ll see you next week.” She turned and started walking away.

“Brienne?” he called after her. He’d never used her name before. 

“Yes?” she turned back to him.

“Thank you. For saving my life.” 

She hadn’t thought of it before, but she really had saved him hadn’t she. He probably would have bled out in his own back yard if she hadn’t found him. 

“You’re welcome. I couldn’t let you die on me could I?” 

Jamie smiled at her and closed his eyes.


	6. Jamie III

Jamie was itching to be home. His stay at the hospital had been one slow long suffering. Brienne hadn’t come back so he’d been left to himself. At first he’d welcomed the quiet, but he eventually became bored and wished Brienne would come back so he could at least have someone to talk to. Today was the day he should be getting released, as soon as the doctor gave him one last look over, something that shouldn’t take more than twenty minutes. Except that the doctor was busy with an emergency patient, so when he was finally released and Brienne came to get him that evening, Jamie was in a foul mood. Sensing his state of mind, she thankfully stayed quiet for the duration of the ride. 

When they arrived he thanked Brienne and got out of the car. 

“Jamie,” she called uncertainly after him. What did she want now? He turned back to look at her. “Just, don’t do anything stupid.” 

Don’t drink is what she meant, Jamie knew that much. He also knew that the first thing he planned on doing after he washed the stench of hospital off was to drink. He knew he shouldn’t, he knew it was stupid, he knew he could stop, he’d even gone through withdrawal already during his week at the hospital, but he also knew that it would make all his pain go away for a few hours, and he wanted that more than anything. 

He didn’t want to lie to Brienne though, so he simply turned back to his front door, fumbling his key one-handedly. Jamie had found that without his right hand everything he did was slow and clumsy. He could still feel his right hand, usually it hurt, but sometimes it felt normal, and as a result he kept trying to use it only to find it gone. The doctors had assured him that this was normal and feeling would fade over time, but for now, he was constantly catching himself trying to grab things with his missing hand. And it made him angry again every time. His front door was no exception and he slammed it behind him after failing to close it with his right hand. 

Jamie showered, then cleaned and bandaged his wound as instructed. The last thing he needed was an infection. His ministrations made his hand hurt abominably though, and looking at it made him sick. He couldn’t stand thinking about it, he wanted to forget and pretend everything was still as it had been before. 

He deserved something nice after a full week of sobriety he decided, and settled on a whiskey that his brother Tyrion had gifted him for a birthday, back when Jamie had been able to pretend he didn’t have a problem. He opened the cupboard and reached for a glass with the wrong hand. _Fucking hells._ He switched hands and grabbed the glass, then went to take the bottle of whiskey and found that he couldn’t because he was holding the glass. He looked around for someplace to put the glass down but the nearest surface was across the room. Maybe if he adjusted his grip? There, now he could slip three fingers around the neck of the bottle. It was heavier than he expected and it promptly slipped out of his fingers. _Shit!_ He moved to grab it with his right hand, except his right hand wasn't there, and as he reached out the bottle passed through empty air and shattered on the floor. 

“Gods fucking damn it!” he cursed aloud. He hurled the glass at the floor where it joined the shards of bottle and slowly spreading puddle of whiskey. He couldn’t even get himself a damned drink. He wanted to lash out as he always did. To hold someone else responsible for his misfortunes, but this time there was no one to blame but himself. He had drunk himself into oblivion and shot his own hand off, not Aerys, not anyone else, him. And now, he wanted to... do it again? Jamie stared at the mess on his floor. Was this it? Was this what he wanted? To sit at home and drink until he lost control? Again and again and again? He thought back to everything Brienne had been telling him. All of her urging and explaining.

“What the hell am I doing?” he whispered to himself. This was wrong, it was all so wrong. He’d had enough. Jamie looked around his house, at the collection of bottles, full and empty, scattered throughout every room. It needed to be gone. All of it. Now. 

He grabbed a bin and started collecting, everything from the cheap beers in the fridge to the aged whiskeys on the shelf. He was going to destroy it all, going to take his revenge on the thing that had put him in prison for six months and cost him a hand. He was going to burn it. 

_Brienne should be here._ he realized. He picked up his phone and called her. 

She picked up on her end, “Jamie? Is everything all right?” 

“Yes, I’m fine. Can you come to my house? I need some help with something.” 

“With what?” She still sounded mildly concerned. 

“I’ll explain when you get here. Please?” he added as an afterthought.

“Alright, fine, I’m on my way.”

_Excellent._

Jamie dragged the bin out the back door into the yard. He noticed that there was still a blood stain on the grass where he'd fallen and the pictures of Aerys were still stapled to the targets across the yard. He would burn those too. 

Brienne arrived by the time he’d cleared an area and started a small fire. “Jamie what is going on?” she looked from him, to the bin of bottles, to the makeshift fireplace he’d just built with a look of complete and utter confusion. 

“You were right.” he said to her. “Enough is enough. I’m burning it all. Will you help me?”

Brienne gaped at him. 

“Come on.” he encouraged her. He grabbed a bottle at random and threw it at the fire. It crashed and shattered in the coals and a tongue of flame leapt into the air with a whoosh. 

Brienne started laughing, the same resounding sound he’d found so enchanting in the hospital and that once again made him smile widely. She grabbed a bottle and sent it hurling after his, “Oh gods, when I stopped drinking I poured all my alcohol down the drain like a normal person, but I have to admit, this is a lot more fun.” 

Jamie smiled back at her, and they stood side by side in the firelight, burning his poison away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok listen. I stan a chaotic good character. and in my defense Jamie has been described as being rash and impulsive multiple times so yeah.


	7. Brienne IIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Brienne get to know each other a little bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. I guess it's a little bit of a filler. I hope you guys like it.

Although Brienne was immensely proud of Jamie and his sudden and unorthodox alcohol disposal, the whole event had left her scrambling. Jamie had skipped about three stages on his road to recovery which meant he was at an incredibly high risk of relapsing and that Brienne was woefully underprepared to deal with it. Usually what happened when a patient expressed serious interest in stopping their addiction was a series of meetings that prepared them for the effects, both short and long term, and taught effective methods for preventing relapse. Jamie had had none of these. He was also unemployed, so he was home alone all day with nothing to occupy himself with, and Brienne was fairly certain he must be suffering from PTSD. All together, it was another disaster waiting to happen and it was her responsibility to prevent it. She needed to find him a therapist, a hobby, and a job, as soon as she could, or she was likely to find herself back in square one. The hobby shouldn’t be too difficult, she decided, she was sure she could find something he would enjoy doing, and there were organizations that helped recovering alcoholics and convicts find at least minimum wage jobs, the therapist on the other hand. Well, it would take a lot of convincing to get Jamie Lannister to share his thoughts and feelings with someone.

It turned out she was wrong, finding Jamie a hobby was a lot harder than she expected. First a foremost she realized that nearly everything in the crafting field, and many sports, required two hands, so they were all immediately off the table. Another reason was that Jamie was dismissing every idea with barely a second thought. 

“Go on hikes, spend time outdoors.”

“You sound like my mother, and no. I’m not spending time walking around with nothing to occupy me but my own thoughts.” 

She supposed he had a good point.

“Fishing?”

“No, I hate fishing.” 

Brienne raised her eyebrows at him. 

“I went fishing once and I caught a great big black fish and then as soon as I got it off the hook it flopped out of my hands and got away. My brother laughed at me for months.” he explained. 

She had to admit to herself it was rather funny. “I didn’t know you had a brother.” she said, Jamie had certainly never mentioned him before.

He blinked at her surprised, “Yes, his name is Tyrion, he’s a few years younger than me, usually visits about once a year. He’s a successful lawyer in Casterly Rock.” 

That was interesting, Brienne thought she would like to meet him, but that could wait. 

“Alright, what about reading?” she continued. “It’ll occupy your mind and give you a good distraction.”

“Gods no!” The idea seemed to horrify him. 

“Why not?”

“I’m dyslexic.” he paused, “My dad used to lock me in my room and not let me out until I read a chapter every day. It took me hours. He would test me on the chapter afterwards, to make sure I didn’t lie to him. I missed a lot of dinners because of it.”

“I’m sorry what?” Brienne wasn’t sure how to process this new horrifying information.

“Yes, I know, he was a shit father.” he was trying to brush it off as no big deal. 

Brienne looked at him concerned. “Why didn’t you report him to authorities?” 

Jamie sighed, “He wasn’t bad enough to risk foster care and being separated from my brother for, we also didn’t really realize we were being abused.”

“What do you mean you didn’t realize? You just said he locked you in your room and made you skip meals.” 

“Yes, but we didn’t know that wasn’t normal.”

That didn’t make any sense to Brienne. 

“Listen, as a child you’re taught what an abusive parent looks like. They’re usually depicted as messy and stupid and when they get angry they yell and hit their children. My father wasn’t like that, he was the opposite. Calm, quiet, a well respected businessman. He never shouted or cursed and he never did anything to us out of anger. It all had a purpose, usually he said he was educating us, and usually he was. He locked me in my room to teach me to read, not because he was angry. We also didn’t have anything to compare him too, my mother died when I was young, and so there wasn’t anyone to set a healthy example. So yes, I was miserable, I hated going home after school everyday, but I also didn’t think I was different than any of the other children complaining about their parents.” 

Brienne sat back and thought about it. She supposed it did make sense for a child to think that way, it was a type of brainwashing she realized. “When did you realize things were wrong?” she asked. 

“There wasn’t any defining moment, it was just a slow realization. I think by the time I was a teenager I understood that the situation was unhealthy. I remember I started acting out, I’d never fully loved my father, but I started to actively hate him and I did things just to anger him. I joined the military just to get away from him.” 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry, my father was always supportive of me and everything I did, I can’t imagine having a parent who wasn’t.”

“You got lucky then.”

“Yes, I really did.” 

“Brienne,” Jamie started after a pause, “I owe you an apology.” 

“Oh?” he really did, most of the alcoholics she worked with did, but she usually didn’t get one. 

“Yes, I'm sorry for being a dick to you.” 

If you’d asked her a few weeks ago whether she could forgive Jamie Lannister, Brienne’s answer would have been a definite no. He’d been exceptionally rude and unfeeling. He’d managed to find all her insecurities and hurt her through every one of them. But she felt that he had changed, he’d stopped insulting her and was actually listening to what she was trying to tell him, Brienne found that she was even starting to enjoy meeting with him. 

“Apology accepted,” she could see Jamie relax, “besides, I’m quite used to it. I once had a man from Griffin’s Roost who wouldn’t stop calling me a lying whore. He was back in prison within two months though. It's no different than the taunts I used to get in school really.” 

“People bullied you in school?” 

Brienne was struck by his concern, he’d certainly had a far worse childhood than her but her playground harassment still bothered him. “Well they used to,” she grinned at him, “until I beat their asses when the teachers weren’t looking.” That got Jamie to smile back at her. 

Brienne noticed the time, they’d been here longer than she thought and she’d accomplished none of her goals. 

“Jamie, back to the topic you came here for us to talk about,” she said, “I am quite serious about a hobby, you need something to do with your time instead of drinking or you risk relapsing. When I quit drinking I took up boxing, it’s what kept me sane.” 

Jamie shrugged, “I can’t think of anything.” 

Well there was another option, most people dismissed it right away, but it would do no harm to suggest it, “You could consider getting a pet, the added responsibility can help people.” 

Jamie furrowed his brow, “A pet?” Was he actually considering the idea? “I suppose I could see myself with a cat.”

“Really?” 

“I mean, I don’t know the first thing about taking care of them, and I've never owned one, but I like cats.”

“That’s fine, you can learn.” 

“Will you come help me pick one out?” 

Brienne was touched by the invitation, “Of course, when do you want to go?” 

“Can it be tomorrow?” 

Brienne couldn’t help but laugh at him. _He’s like a boy who’s been promised a sweet._ “Tomorrow it is.”


	8. Jamie IIII

The more Jamie considered getting a cat, the more excited he became. He’d always liked cats, but he’d never been in a position to actually take care of one, he’d barely been capable of taking care of himself. But now, he realized Brienne was right once again, a cat would give him something to do and he was rather lonely. 

Jamie was waiting by the door when Brienne’s now familiar car pulled up in front of his house. They had agreed to go buy some essentials first, cat food, a litter box, and then go to the animal shelter. 

He looked at Brienne as he sat down, she looked good today, she was wearing a nice blue dress that brought out her matching blue eyes. 

“That’s a pretty dress.” he complimented. It was pretty, not fancy or revealing, but pretty. Brienne immediately went red, she became uncomfortable so quickly. 

“I just got it yesterday, I don’t usually get dresses but the lady said it looked good on me and it fits nicely so I decided to buy it. It’s a bit short though, not really, but short for me. ” she rambled awkwardly. 

Jamie raised his eyebrows, “It was just a compliment.” 

Brienne went a little bit redder, “Thanks you. Your… shirt, it's nice too.” Jamie was wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans. He decided there needed to be a change in the subject. 

“Did you ever have any pets?” 

“No.” she looked relieved that the topic was something other than her appearance. “It was always just me and my dad.”

“No mother?” Jamie knew it was rude, but having grown up mostly without a mother himself he was curious.

Brienne shook her head, “My parents divorced when I was little and my dad got full custody, so it was just the two of us.” 

“Hmm, well I’ve never had a pet either, so we’ll see how this goes.” he said jokingly, though in truth he was a little nervous. 

Once in the store, it wasn’t hard to find the things they needed. A small skinny girl with brown hair stared at Jamie from behind the register as they approached. She seemed a little familiar but Jamie couldn’t place her. She continued to stare at him as Brienne put the last of his items in front of her. That wasn’t as unusual as it once would have been, people tended to stare at his still bandaged arm, except she wasn’t looking at his hand. Jamie cleared his throat, “Do I know you?” 

“No.” she answered brusquely and said not another word to them as they left. Jamie definitely knew her but he couldn’t for the life of him remember from where. It didn’t really matter though so he turned his thought back to the exciting prospect of his future cat. 

“Do you have anything particular in mind?” asked Brienne as they approached the animal shelter. 

Jamie hadn’t actually thought about any particulars. He shook his head. “I guess I’ll just find one I like.”

He quickly realized that that was going to be much harder than he’d first anticipated. As soon as they walked through the door they were assaulted by the sounds and smells of the many animals living in the shelter. Dogs and cats were barking and meowing everywhere and there were even birds squawking off to his left. An employee offered to help them look around, but Jamie declined. He decided he would rather find one by himself. 

The two started wandering through the rows of animals. Jamie glanced at the dogs as he passed. A big grey one growled at him. Jamie returned the feeling, he’d never been fond of dogs. 

“Jamie this one looks like you!” Brienne called suddenly. She’d made it to the very end of the row. “It’s so pretty.” she added as he got closer. 

“It’s so fat!” the cat was huge. Laying down it took up almost the entire length of the cage and had to weigh at least twelve kilos. 

“Other than that.” she laughed at him. He could see what she had meant though, the cat had the same golden hair and green eyes he did. He stuck his fingers through the bars of the cage trying to attract its attention so he could scratch it. To his immense annoyance the cat completely ignored him. 

An employee noticed them and walked over. “Do you like her?” 

The cat looked regal and had a way of looking down at him even though Jamie was standing several feet above her. He didn’t know whether he found that amusing or unsettling. “I’m not quite sure, why is she so big?” 

The employee laughed. “She’s a Maine Coon they’re usually big but she belonged to a lady who overfed her, so that’s why she’s overweight.” 

“Here, you can hold her.” The employee opened the cage and began dragging the cat out. She didn’t seem overly enthused at being disturded but didn’t protest either as she was placed in Jamie’s arms. She didn’t stay still for very long though. Jamie had put some cat food in his pocket and the cat was practically melting through his arms trying to get to it. He put her down, crouched, and reached out a hand to feed her. She starting inhaling the food. 

“So, what do you think?” Brienne asked over his shoulder. The cat meowed loudly at him demanding more food. He stood and she looked up at him offended. Jamie laughed, he liked how expressive she was. 

“I think she’ll do quite well.” 

Jamie picked her up and brought her to the front to arrange the details. 

“Do you have everything you need for her at home?” the employee asked after they had managed to fit the cat into a dog carrier. 

Jamie nodded. “Food, litter, toys. That should satisfy her.” 

“You might also want to consider getting a cat bed.” the she suggested. “Unless neither of you mind sharing with her.” 

Neither of them? _Oh gods._ Jamie was surprised to find himself turning red. She thought they were a couple. 

“What? Neither of us? Oh no. We’re not a, um, we’re not together, no.” Brienne corrected her rather vehemently, she’d gone the color of a very ripe tomato. “It’s just his cat, I’m just a… friend.”

_A friend?_ Jamie hadn’t had a friend in some time. He wondered whether Brienne was being sincere or if she was simply lying on his behalf, either way he was thankful, he hated the pitying looks people gave him without them knowing he was a recovering alcoholic as well as an amputee.

“Oh.” The employee at least had the grace to look abashed.

“I think I’ll skip the bed. Thanks.” Jamie hoisted the heavy carrier off the floor and headed to the car. 

“What will you name her?” asked Brienne once they were settled and on their way back to his house. 

“Genna.” he decided. 

“Why Genna?”

“After my aunt, they remind me of each other.”

“How so?” 

“They’re both opinionated and overweight.”

“Jamie!” Brienne was slightly appalled, “Will your aunt appreciate that?”

“I think she'll appreciate that I thought of her.” He hadn’t thought of her in a while. He hadn’t seen any of his family, not that there was much of it, in a very long time. 

Brienne smiled at him, they’d reached his house. “I’ll see you in two days and you can tell me how everything goes.” 

He nodded at her and went to introduce Genna to her new home. The accommodations seemed to satisfy her and she took up residence on the couch. Jamie sat down next to her and scratched under her chin. She purred contently and Jamie smiled, “I think we’ll get along quite well.” 

That night he dreamed again. He hadn’t stopped dreaming, it was the worst part of being sober, the inability to forget the dreams. This time though it was different. The girl from the shops was there. In the crowd next to a boy. When Aerys commanded them to shoot Jamie watched himself lift his gun and aim at the boy. He tried to stop but couldn’t control his arms. A shot rang out and he watched the boy fall backward under the impact. _No! NO! That’s wrong! That’s not what happened! I didn’t shoot anyone I didn’t hurt anyone! Only Aerys._ The girl started screaming at him. He could hear her voice above all the screaming around her. _“You hurt my brother! You tried to kill him! It's your fault! Your fault!”_ over and over again. He woke with a start like always. Genna was meowing loudly outside his door so he opened it to let her in. He sat back down on the bed and she jumped up and joined him. 

Bran Stark. He’d avoided thinking of the boy and he didn’t want to think of him now, but now he remembered the girl. He didn’t know her name but she was his sister. She’d come to his trial and he wouldn’t have ever noticed her, but when his lawyer had started defending him she’d stood up and started screaming, calling him a liar. _“You hurt my brother! You tried to kill him! It’s your fault!”_ she’d screamed at him. Her father had had to take her out of the courtroom. Jamie hadn’t cared at the time, but now, he didn’t want to think of it. 

Genna was staring at him. Before he would have gotten a drink to help him get back to sleep but not anymore, so he lay back down and stared at the ceiling. Genna meowed again then got up and stretched out on his chest. The weight comforted him so he started petting her. He felt her purr through his chest and felt himself begin to relax and eventually he drifted back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. First of all I want to say thank you to all the people who have been reading and commenting on this fic. It makes me so happy to see people enjoying it. Second I want to apologize for falling off the face of the earth for these past few weeks. My life went through some really sudden changes (nothing bad don't worry) and I simply haven't had the time to write anything. I managed to catch a break and find the time to write this chapter, but unfortunately I won't be able to keep updating as frequently anymore. I'm not abandoning this story! I still have more things to write, but updates will just be a lot slower. I hope you stick around, and thanks again!

**Author's Note:**

> I know almost nothing about how therapy and alcoholism recovery work so sorry if I make mistakes. I also plan on exploring more of Jamie's PTSD and I'm not an expert on that either so let me know if there's something I should fix. Also tell me if theres something else I should tag
> 
> this is really loosely inspired by a post I saw on tumblr about a drunk driver Jamie hitting Bran and then seeing him years later while going to date Brienne, but I cant remember whos blog I saw it on or I would mention them. 
> 
> This is my first fic ever so please be nice and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is appreciated.


End file.
